dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
and you fell through a lawn chair
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
