i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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