Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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