y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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