i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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