I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
