There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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