Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i need some magic done to my vagina
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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