Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he quoted the bible to break up with me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
