i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
