im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
