I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
