I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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