So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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