Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
