is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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