brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
