OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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