Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
