we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
