You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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