tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
