too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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