Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
