What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
