It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
