I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
