Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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