There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
