very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
