My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
thus making me awesome and them whores
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
