I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize