My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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