I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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