lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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