I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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