i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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