Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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