Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize