I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just blew my weed a kiss
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
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