He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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