Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I fill condoms, not promises.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
