Please, let me fuck your mom
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
