when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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