how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
