I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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