is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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