Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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