he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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