do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
