Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
