maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What a dumb baby whore.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
