I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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