it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
where are my eyebrows?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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