The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
