dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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