Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
