i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
