i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
