He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize