Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
